BBC RADIO 5 LIVE INTERVIEW WITH MYSELF JAHMENE AND VICTORIA DERBYSHIRE
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i eventually got the strength to click on the link & listen to your interview. tears are streaming down my face. God bless you all - you have been through worst degree torment/abuse. i can't even begin to imagine what life was like for you all. i know what it's like to be alone, to be sexually abused, to witness domestic violence, to live every second of your life in fear, to cry yourself to sleep, to be controlled by a monster etc ...
you are all so inspirational now fighting for justice and speaking out about the life you had for so long even though the scars are still there (many unseen). the memories, fear, flashbacks never leave and yes you do wonder why you were put on this earth? what was/is my purpose for being here? what did i ever do to deserve it? i never asked for it to happen nor did i want to witness/experience it - questions we all ask ourselves over and over again.
eventually, if you're one of the lucky ones, you manage to get away from it. you speak out about it to get help & to stop it from happening to others (family members) but the justice system brings you down like a ton of bricks - worse than you ever thought possible. trailed through court cases to relive it all over again; having "it" sitting there staring at you, listening to your every word; swearing under oath and lying through it all. previous convictions hidden from the jury - just so they don't make judgement!!!? one word against the other; no evidence - it was too long ago; sick to the stomach - two trials later he walked away free TO DO IT ALL AGAIN! been in jail for it before but NO that wasn't allowed to come out in court nor was i allowed to let it slip out - now wishing i had of along with so much else. looking back in anger still filled with fury. don't ask me why? but i can't let it go.
threatened every day that if i told anyone he would deny it all & no-one would believe me. "sure you can't go to your mum or dad" he always said! they had a violent relationship and he knew i was too frightened to talk to them so it was easy for him to groom me then move in on me and, of course, i was an extremely quiet shy child.
somehow through the domestic violence, sexual abuse and loneliness i am still here today. i often ask myself why? what has my journey been for? all i want is love for all, world peace, violence & abuse of all sorts to stop and an end to poverty - people dying of starvation every day. it breaks my heart to see it still happen. it seems that this is far too much to wish for?
well, do you keep everything to yourself? do you take the law into your own hands or do you let the law(s) decide? something i still couldn't answer to this day because the law is a law onto itself! IF they do get sentenced sure they haven't a thing to worry about. good behaviour and they're out in no time - to repeat, repeat, repeat ... tougher sentencing is needed and now!
i am a very private person, still a little shy but i hope that sharing this will help someone - even if it's only one person then i will have achieved something.
NEVER BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP BECAUSE YOU WILL BE BELIEVED. YOU WILL BE TALKING TO PEOPLE SPECIALIZED IN WHATEVER YOU ARE GOING THROUGH. THEY KNOW WHO THE LIARS ARE!!!
one thing i will NEVER regret is bringing it out in the open because I WAS BELIEVED STRAIGHT AWAY. i worried many many years in fear of not being believed - please don't be like me.
you can very easily nowadays find helpline numbers on the internet - DON'T BE AFRAID TO PICK UP THE PHONE & GET HELP. you are beautiful and worthy of life.
i am signing Anonymous but hope i have helped someone and if i haven't then i know for sure that Mandy and Jahmene definitely have and will continue to. they have been so inspirational and amazing on their journey/search for freedom and a new life.
thank you to Mandy for tweeting the link to her website and to her wonderful son Jahmene for letting us have the joy to listening to his voice in many ways and on a happy note - he blows the roof off every building he sings in :) he is world class - in my eyes.
i hope i havent offended or discouraged anyone with this. i'm not great at writing stuff x